lyrics

to the only boy i ever loved i really wish there could have been more for us
to the only boy i ever loved i really wish there could have been more for us
to the only boy i ever loved i really wish there could have been more for us
to the only boy i ever loved i really wish there could have been more

will i ever amount to me?
can i even live up to me?
turning all the flowers away
their beauty seems a waste
it's a really nice sentiment that you wrote in the sediment
a feeling no money could buy let go of that lie

tunnel vision as you move in
and i try to play cool but you see through that too
so we take it under blankets and you shoot like the 4th of july

when you come over me
i'm losing all sense of mind
and i see color differently
i'm feeling like the sun isn't burning
freezing from inside til our eyes meet
and i warm into your sanctuary

am i out of my misery when there's nowhere i'd rather be?
i quiver when you call me by name
i'll never be the same

so euphoric melting into you
craving for it dripping like honeydew
look what you do ooh ahh

stitch me together skin to the bone
tar to the feather king overthrown
ivory for dinner tongue to the floor
sold down the river after the war

bloodstained boots and salted wounds
couldn't keep me from you

tick tock time is killing everybody you know
tiptoe or the sand will swallow you whole
i'm on your side

sit tight for a minute and we're finally home
fall slow for the love won't save us alone
i'm on your side

scream it louder scream it louder
your name will echo through the valley of gold
scream it loud scream it louder
your name will echo through the valley of gold

truth is i'm too mortified to say just how i really feel
look here as i fall apart
every incision dull the knife made
couldn't escape me from the pain weighing on a heart

i'm losing sleep i've gotta let go of him
i'm losing me i'm losing me

you're already gone
crazy to think otherwise
about ready to jump

eyes all sunken
haven't held a blink in four nights
never knew what it meant to cry
sun slapped maybach
i sip another molotov
no reason in sight

hills of gold and waves of blue
i'm sick of running after you
my soles are swollen

hold up hold up hold up
all i wanted was love
was i ever enough?
coward california

hold up hold up hold up
all i wanted was love
now there's nowhere to run
coward california

tortured sky i won't fly right til i feel your sunrise over mine
and to think i'd never feel your warmth again
would break me inside

tell me it's a joke or something
how i'll never know your body
every hill and valley that i once knew
look into my eyes and tell me why
my body is washing up at low tide

hey sonny boy i think i told you this one before
when i was in the fifth grade my principal realized that i was slightly promiscuous
so he told me that i was in danger of leading a lewd and desolate life
and you know what?
sixty-five years later i think he was right
damn

i've been inside
i've had nowhere to hide to escape my mind
i tried to black out daylight
dreaming of ways to die
i can't decide

i don't know how much more i can take
i just want to lay in bed all day
i don't know how much more i can take
i just wanna be a waste of space

circle the drain
my thoughts revolve the same
suffering and pain remain
to love lost and found
an evil in the crowd
look at me now

lock me down and swallow key
if it means that you will never leave
take my eyes no need to see
if the darkness means you're next to me

i deserve you
i deserve you
you're the something i've been missing
you're the something i've been missing yeah

throw me in the reckoning
will the gods decide to favor me
take my eyes no need to see
cause the darkness is all that i need

i found you at the bottle's bottom
in time i will forget your name
for now i guess we'll keep repeating the same mistakes

i stain the shirt you chip the marble
i jump the gun you take the cake
this bed has cast a curse upon us we'll never break

you came to pour the salt over every wound
how is it i still fall at the sight of you
the silence only hurts cause i know the truth
please don't say its over
you're too much to lose

ignore the god and burn the tarot
my faith is but a losing game
the venom coursing deep will teach me to lay with snakes

you're too much to lose
you're too much to lose
you're too much to lose
please don't say its over
you're too much to

don't prolong the inevitable anymore
i know that you think that you're in love
but the cons heavily outweigh the pros
you don't deserve to be in a situation where you have to make yourself small
yeah he's beautiful in your eyes but that won't last forever
and the ups and downs are really volatile
and you can't please him
and he's always gonna be sedated
you don't need that you don't need to be around that
the cycle just needs to break so you can open up that part of your life
for someone else something else
detach that part of your brain because
you know it's not gonna work
it's never gonna work

when the horses march in i'll be ready for them
eyes already swollen
eyes already swollen

when the clouds burst open and the arrows descend
i'm already broken
i'm already broken

and the longing i feel is a ruse it's not real
if the wounds fail to heal
if the wounds never heal

can the chasm of tears make it all disappear?
turn my body into time
rip you out of my mind

rip you out of my mind

black as a widow the night spills over you
witness yourself give into the moon
plucking at petals to love or love me not
not all who wonder or wander are lost

where have all the yesterdays gone?
desperately holding on
love is short forgetting is long
why does hurt linger on?

where do you go to escape all you know?
to another world
where do you go when the darkness takes hold?
to another world
somewhere they'll never find me

pull me in closer and don't make me beg
soft at the center surrender to flesh
nothing can rid me of thoughts i possess
pity the living and envy the dead

somewhere they'll never find

but a drop in a boundless ocean
i'm too high to go home
breach my wall this time
safest in the silence right behind my eyelids
do we even make sense?

like ballads and boys of the ballet
softly slipping away
there you go into the night

where did you hide my heart?
i'm searching everywhere
in gardens and rivers in oceans and byways and stars

where did you hide my heart?
please don't leave me here
without you the world's going sideways
remind me and find me

on a dime and the blood is mine
turning lily white we were strangers overnight
help me find my peace of mind

same-sex duplex bunk bed
how does it feel?
perfect worth it 'nough said
how is this real?

there's a pretty boy sitting on my bed but it's over my head
there's a pretty girl and she hates the world
was it something i said?

how could you love me when i couldn't even love myself?
can this go on another day?
i don't remember how i got beneath the river
well i'm always drowning my mistakes

singing to the lonely wood confessing i am damaged goods
yelling at the top of lungs i'm never gonna be enough
singing to the lonely wood confessing i am damaged goods
screaming at the top of lungs i'm never gonna be enough

disorder inching closer, i know nothing about love
it's torture never told you, i know nothing about love
placeholder for something vulgar, i know nothing about love
why should i learn
oh slumber, pull me under, i know nothing about love

who love? i mean what love? what you mean love?
waited all this time
to be undone
to be broken
to believe

taken by surprise
with the sun in my eyes
i feel you inside, and i
i feel you inside and out

taken by surprise
with the sun in my eyes
i feel you inside, and i
i feel you inside and out

i feel you inside, and i
i feel you inside and out

start over nearly sober, i know nothing about love
high water at the altar, i know nothing about love
from squalor by the collar, i know nothing about love
why should i should i learn
dishonest as i promised, i know nothing about love

who love? i mean what love? what you mean love?
waited all this time
to be undone
to be broken
to believe

taken by surprise
with the sun in my eyes
i feel you inside, and i
i feel you inside and out

taken by surprise
with the sun in my eyes
i feel you inside, and i
i feel you inside and out

i feel you inside, and i
i feel you inside and out
i feel you inside, and i
i feel you inside and out

sleeping off the side effects again
i, i double the intake
i like you that way

and it's not the best look to be so thirsty like
but it's all for you
can i be enough?

please let me be the promise that you keep
offering my soul for something real
a sacrifice to feel

please let me be the weakness in your knees
part me from my heart, my fate is sealed
a sacrifice so i can feel

seems you've lost your train of thought again
don't call me a mistake, don't throw me away
lies suited you so well
maybe our time is up, maybe i'm not enough
to give him a reason to know when to leave him

please let me be the promise that you keep
offering my soul for something real
a sacrifice to feel

please let me be the weakness in your knees
part me from my heart, my fate is sealed
a sacrifice so i can feel

stop come no closer, so i won't cry
should have known i'd never mean anything to you
i can see through your disguise

please let me be the promise that you keep
offering my soul for something real
a sacrifice to feel

please let me be the weakness in your knees
part me from my heart, my fate is sealed
a sacrifice so i can feel

man down
tear it off for a few more days
strung out
held my breath but you never came

and there's so many things i wish i could say
and there's so many things i wish i could do
and there's so many words i wish i could change
but you won't have it

and i just wanna scream until nothing remains
and i just wanna scream and forget your face
and i just wanna scream until i can't speak your name
and i just wanna scream until nothing remains

it's the point of no return
it serves me right
i never learn
how to light without the burn
no end in sight to how it hurts

and there's so many things i wish i could say
and there's so many things i wish i could do
and there's so many words i wish i could change
but you won't have it

and i just wanna scream until nothing remains
and i just wanna scream and forget your face
and i just wanna scream until i can't speak your name
and i just wanna scream until nothing remains

i'm not really sure where the wheels fell off but i'm lost
i'm lost
i'm lost
i'm not really sure where the wheels fell off but i'm lost
i'm lost
i'm lost
i'm lost

and i just wanna scream until nothing remains
and i just wanna scream and forget your face
and i just wanna scream until i can't speak your name
and i just wanna scream until nothing remains

justify you, justify you
heat-seekers out, heat-seekers out
justify you, justify you
heat-seekers out, heat-seekers out

depleted
strategic but you come around anyway
from grace, we fall
it's all your fault
something you said riddled me always

justify you, justify you
heat-seekers out, heat-seekers out
justify you, justify you
heat-seekers out, heat-seekers out

i want the truth
am i just a piece of your past
choking words back

false start little meadowlark
doe-eyed into golden hour
take flight in the dead of night
ask the heavens why

was our kingdom made of sand?
was it your blood on my hands?
did we ever stand a chance?
ask the heavens why

i may never love another, 'nother, 'nother
i may never love another, 'nother, 'nother
i may never love another, 'nother, 'nother
i may never love another, 'nother, 'nother

parched lips somewhere desolate
lifetime left without a kiss
confines of a narrow mind
ask the heavens why

i'm afraid of who i am
just a fragment of a man
who will never understand
ask the heavens why

i may never love another, 'nother, 'nother
i may never love another, 'nother, 'nother
i may never love another, 'nother, 'nother
i may never love another, 'nother, 'nother

scheming how to return to the deep end
building the will to drown you
i've found you
insatiable hunger with no remedy

i may never love another, 'nother, 'nother
i may never love another, 'nother, 'nother
i may never love another, 'nother, 'nother
i may never love another, 'nother, 'nother

i woke up next to you again
i lie here wishing you were him
the moon we couldn't rise above
this isn't love but the lack thereof

shallow twenty something boy
couldn't find a fill to void
fractured at the wishing bone
maybe meant to die alone

you say you have the tools to mend (tools to mend)
but loyalty is paper thin (paper thin)
a fragment of what never was (it never was, it never was)
this isn't love but the lack thereof (the lack thereof)

shallow twenty something boy
couldn't find a fill to void
fractured at the wishing bone
maybe meant to die alone
maybe meant to die alone

lately all of my nightmares come true
and more than a few bleed into you love
i'm praying at your feet to be someone else
make me forget how far that angel fell

now you won't recognize me
it's not in your nature
but when the walls are falling
someone always gets hurt

are we too busy dying
wasting our last words
when you let go you'll find me
rising from the vapor

how could you come to love
something i never was
dragging my face along the base of the well
i'm betraying the calling to be someone else
make me forget how far that angel fell

look what became of the man with no face
oh what a shame we're the same i'm afraid
make me forget how far that angel

i'm a ghost, i'm a cold blooded killer
but i wouldn't hurt you
every inch of your skin closes in, i surrender
will you be my last wound?

into the bones, you'll never know
how far the cycle goes
and even though, you're made of gold
i'd rather sleep alone

in my eyelids, i've tattooed your words
to remember what i don't deserve
could you be why i feel so empty?

i've grabbed all i can
empathy won't fit in these cold hands
driven by my nature
let the river take you like a fool
but it rushes back

into the bones, you'll never know how far the cycle goes
and even though, you're made of gold i'd rather sleep alone

in my eyelids, i've tattooed your words
to remember what i don't deserve
could you be why i feel so empty?

wrapped in porcelain
heightening every endorphin
i can't return what i've stolen
cut your emotions out

in my eyelids, i've tattooed your words
to remember what i don't deserve
could you be why i feel so empty?

i fell apart today
a little bit of love goes the longest way
but i can't reciprocate with this heart of mine

close the book
no there is no happy end
on that one thing i depend
time is killing all my friends

the sky doesn't blue like it used to
i'm not in a dream anymore

cycles counting back to ten
i don't want to believe again
but to hear all of their voices in the end
gives me hope

here's to the sun
the only one that even shadows can forgive
a glimpse of love no matter the hue i see

only death is true
the birds sings
incapable of love
what a silly thing
the lies we learn to trust
lift me higher next time (so i can fall)
broken housed and pretty mouth
you've killed my imagination again (secrets undisclosed)
poison presents

tell me again there's nothing more than us
tell me again how you found me
tell me again the one of love
to tell

mother, leave me with my thoughts
i want to be alone
in blackness i am home
i know the truth

there's a man in my closet
he whispers a sad song
his motives are dead wrong
he's just like you

(ooh, ooh, ooh)
pitiful, pitiful, how you're stuck in your way
(ooh, ooh, ooh)
pitiful, pitiful, fear falls over your face

little boy afraid
slip away
i don't see you in my future
in my-
boy afraid
it's too late
i don't see you in my future
in my-

homicidal, unstable
blink twice if you're able
to classify fable
from poignant truth

all the satellites watching
disposing of bodies
of water you wash me
i'm dripping clues

(ooh, ooh, ooh)
pitiful, pitiful, how you're stuck in your way, way

little boy afraid
slip away
i don't see you in my future
in my-
boy afraid
it's too late
i don't see you in my future
in my-

walk the plank and show me the part
i'm rooting for the underground
do you come to explain how you've betrayed
why you've betrayed?

little boy afraid
slip away
i don't see you in my future
in my- (my)
boy afraid
it's too late
i don't see you in my future
in my- (my)

ooh, ooh, ooh
ooh, ooh, ooh

regarding the garden
we're wasting away
the mulch and dirt, chin deep
the roots cry for me

i wanna be whole
i wanna be whole
give me half of you
i wanna be whole
i wanna be whole
give me half of you

dig me down
drown me out
i wanna be whole
i wanna be whole
hollowed out
dig me down
drown me out
i wanna be whole
i wanna be whole
hollowed out

i've kept up your secrets
he's dying to know
they multiply - tongue tied
an inch of my throat

i wanna be whole
i wanna be whole
give me half of you
i wanna be whole
i wanna be whole
give me half of you

dig me down
drown me out
i wanna be whole
i wanna be whole
hollowed out
dig me down
drown me out
i wanna be whole
i wanna be whole
hollowed out

black fever running high
i'm losing all my mind again
pondering
how you really feel
i'm already dead to you

dig me down
drown me out
i wanna be whole
i wanna be whole
hollowed out
dig me down
drown me out
i wanna be whole
i wanna be whole
hollowed out

black tears
there's no way i'm going back there
tried extraction but still here
you're the chemical inside my veins, inside

refuge
raining on you...
when will it get better?
nobody will answer me

well now, i can see underneath that you're hollow
when you leave from the edge, i know not to follow
i can see your fortune falling
you're drowning from the inside
drowning from the inside
fall through

white fear
there's no way going back there
tried detaching but you're still here
your chemical inside my veins, inside

refuge
raining on you...
when will it get better?
nobody will answer me

well now, i can see underneath that you're hollow
when you leave from the edge, oh i know not to follow
i can see your fortune falling
you're drowning from the inside
drowning from the inside, are you?

i can see your fortune falling
you're drowning from the inside
drowning from the inside, are you?

when will it get better?
when will it get better?
when will it get better?
nobody will answer me

well now, i can see underneath that you're hollow
when you leave from the edge, oh i know not to follow
i can see your fortune falling
you're drowning from the inside
drowning from the inside, are you?

i can see your fortune falling
you're drowning from the inside
drowning from the inside, are you?
drowning from the inside, are you?
drowning from the inside, are you?

we need to talk now
something's not right under your eyes
dark times is true
thoughts can kill too
seeds of let bloom
will consume you
i don't want to be
left behind

open your eyes
it's in your head
don't leave me lonely tonight
i'm not alright
don't leave me lone, baby
i'll be waiting on the other side, baby
i'll be waiting on the other side
i won't need you

ouch
how you've hurt me
but i don't bleed
don't know how to
empty
calm down from the stumble
just one wrong move
i can't catch you

open your eyes
it's in your head
don't leave me lonely tonight
i'm not alright
don't leave me lone, baby
i'll be waiting on the other side, baby
i'll be waiting on the other side
i won't need you

this night is the space between your eyes
i'm here to tame the shrubby
take down the roots and get in there
your the one i have to lose

open your eyes
it's in your head
don't leave me lonely tonight
i'm not alright
don't leave me lone, baby
i'll be waiting on the other side, baby
i'll be waiting on the other side
i won't need you

i'll be on the other side, baby
i'll be on the other side
i won't need you

what you're looking for
what you're looking for
hope you'll find
what you're looking for
what you're looking for

have you changed amateur, reassured by the word
you wouldn't dare to say in human
you pretend to know it that one day it will find you

what you're looking for
what you're looking for
hope you'll find
what you're looking for
what you're looking for

love is pain
solemnly i believed you and me
would make it to the grave
lost your way
still i show no restrain
seal my eyes, and i'll find you

under, beyond love
there's nothing left to say

what you're looking for
what you're looking for
hope you'll find
what you're looking for
what you're looking for

reckless abandonment has brought me to my knees
ain't no believer
i've forgotten how to be...

don't wallow in ? of spent
how hollow can someone be?
i'm...
not who i used to be
i'm not alright
there ain't nothing left of me!
not who i used to be
i'm not alright
not alright

i am an empty slate
i'm turning a new leaf
do not resuscitate
'cause i could use the sleep

don't wallow in ? of spent
how hollow can someone get?
i'm...
not who i used to be
i'm not alright
there ain't nothing left of me!
not who i used to be
i'm not alright
not alright

today my last mistake
gates are never opening anyway
whatever, it's over
i'll never hear the end
hear the end!

don't wallow in ? of spent
how hollow can someone be?
i'm...
not who i used to be
i'm not alright
there ain't nothing left of me
not who i used to be
i'm not alright
not alright

losing her...
was the hardest thing i've ever had to do
no, i don't know...
sometimes, i think she's better off where she is now
sometimes, i wanna join her
sometimes, i'm happy where i am

forgive me for the songs i never wrote you
young lust turned false love
you know all the simple words were untrue
lies bend, lips numb
feel the burden of a broken mind

oh, where am i?
don't know where, don't know where, where am i?
don't know where, don't know where...
who are you?

nobody, nobody is enough
am i a fool?
or am i losing touch?
now you've disappeared
and the trees won't leave a clue, no
the leaves don't have a clue what took you
there's nothing left to do
yeah, yeah...

forget the famous wars and fallen past times
at night thieves come and go
keep sipping on the potion to enhance life
faith losing, oh
slowly siphoned by the sunken sky

ooo... where am i?
don't know where, don't know where, where am i?
don't know where, don't know where...
who are you?

nobody, nobody is enough
am i a fool?
or am i losing touch?
now you've disappeared
and the trees won't leave a clue, no
the leaves don't have a clue what took you
there's nothing left to do
yeah, yeah!

following nowhere and leading to nothing
ooo...

don't know where, don't know where...
don't know where, don't know where
who are you?
nobody ever is enough
am i a fool? or am i losing touch!?
now you've disappeared
and the trees won't leave a clue
the leaves don't have a clue
(you)
there's nothing left to do
(where are you)
(what to do...)
yeah, yeah